I’ve been pondering the idea of control – or the lack thereof – since my electricity began shutting down for days at a time due to the horrendous winds and fires here in the L.A. area. We all love to feel in control. I don’t feel in control – haven’t for many days now. And I don’t like it.
I know, I know – take a breath. Accept your eternal now, however it manifests. Blah blah blah. But what if my eternal now currently sucks?! And what if my house burns down? That’s happened to lots of people during the last couple of weeks!
The idea that we control anything has long been humankind’s favorite myth. Control implies free will. And, as Sam Harris has taught us, free will is an illusion.
Or is it?
I’d like to suggest that free will – at least my proposed conception of free will – is not an illusion, but a legitimate psychological process that has the potential to help us cope with adversity and increase our overall satisfaction in life.
First, what is not free will? Free will is not, “I could/should have chosen otherwise.” Once you choose, you could not have chosen otherwise, because that’s just a story you tell yourself about the past, which is already a story. No, free will happens at the moment you choose. And yes, I know, FMRI studies have indicated that our choices are made by our brains moments before we become aware of them – a fact that some have used to support their assertion that free will is an illusion, since the choice was not made by the conscious mind.
However, must we exercise free will with the conscious mind? Is not a choice made by the unconscious mind still a choice? I suspect my struggle is not so much in letting go of the notion of free will as it is in accepting the idea of universal determinism – that everything we “decide” is predetermined by the innumerable causes and effects that preceded that decision, stretching back to the big bang and beyond. That’s at the heart of the claim by deniers of free will that it is impossible to have decided differently in the past. I just don’t buy it.
We could indeed have decided differently, because there is always a morsel of free will involved in every decision – choices made freely that could never be predicted with 100% accuracy, even by the smartest AI computer. Because (he asserted confidently), choice transcends a simple cause and effect calculation. That calculation is predictive, to be sure, but not wholly determinative.
There always was a chance at the moment of decision – slim though it might be – that the decision could have been made differently. That’s free will. And that’s our avenue into what little control we might have with respect to our destinies.
Assuming the decisions and choices you make during your current and upcoming nows will determine the character and quality of your future nows, then how do we make sure those decisions and choices are all (or most of them, anyway) in our best interest? By planning and then implementing our “best bet” routines.
Placing Your Best Bet
Free will or no, I believe we can impact our future nows by establishing positive, life-affirming routines – by betting on our best selves. This is where I should give you a “Five Step Program for Placing Your Best Bet and Grooming Your Super Selves,” or whatever. Fact is, there’s no secret formula. The secret is simply to approach every action and every choice with a positive, life-affirming attitude, and with attention and patience.
I can’t help myself – here are five things to work on as you choose your unique nows:
- Sleep Well. Go to sleep and wake at approximately the same times each day. Keep your room cool and fairly dark. And sleep for at least 7 hours.
- Eat Real Food. Reduce the amount of processed foods you eat and favor vegetables, clean proteins, and healthy fats. And eat a little fermented food each day (yogurt or sauerkraut is good).
- Schedule Exercise Snacks. Two or three times a day, do some squats and some push-ups, and lift and lower something heavy a few times. You can also do wall sits and planks. And try to get outside for a short walk each day. Mornings are best for that walk.
- Stay Connected. Social connection is crucial, especially as you age. If you live with someone, lucky you. If not, join a book club or volunteer at the local archery range.
- Set and Pursue Positive Intentions. Focusing on “goals” tends to pull our attention away from our eternal nows. However, taking a few moments, perhaps first thing in the morning, to remember your top three “positive intentions” can help you make those positive unconscious choices you want to make throughout the day. So, each morning, say to yourself, “oh yeah, almost forgot … I intend to lose weight/improve my health/find a date/provide value to my customers/write that novel…” And then go forth and make those positive choices.
Remember the prayer your mom used to quote about having the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the strength to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference? Do that.
Also, there’s no crying in baseball.